Tigger Investigates Bonfire Night
As a lurcher, I have ears like radar dishes and a nervous system tuned like a violin, Bonfire Night is the most baffling human ritual of all.
Once a year, you humans step outside into the freezing cold, look up at the sky, and cheer while things explode. To a dog, this looks like a localized alien invasion. However, being a dedicated canine historian, I have peeked out from underneath my favourite duvet to discover exactly why you do this.
Here is the explosive history of November 5th, explained by a very anxious hound.
The Main Plot:
To understand this holiday, we have to travel back to 1605 in England. A group of humans was very unhappy with King James I. Instead of doing what a civilized lurcher does when unhappy (sighing loudly and stealing a sandwich), they decided to blow up the Houses of Parliament.
They hid 36 barrels of gunpowder in a cellar directly underneath the House of Lords. Gunpowder smells like sulphur and charcoal. If a lurcher had been on security duty, we would have sniffed it out immediately and probably rolled in it. Sadly the humans relied on their own noses. On the night of November 5th, a man named Guy Fawkes was caught red handed in the cellar with a pocketful of matches. The plot was foiled!
The First Bonfires:
King James I was so relieved he didn't get blasted into orbit that he allowed the people of London to light great fires to celebrate his safety. The government passed a new law making November 5th a public holiday called "The Thanksgiving Act." Over the years humans began burning weird, clothes stuffed scarecrows called "Guys" on top of the fires to mock the failed plot.
The Invention of Fireworks:
The bonfires make historical sense. The fireworks, however, are where you humans lose me completely. Humans didn't invent fireworks for Guy Fawkes. They borrowed the idea from ancient China where people used them to scare away evil spirits. Somewhere along the line British humans decided that the best way to celebrate a man failing to blow something up was to mimic the sound of things blowing up.
The Bonfire Food:
While the noises are a disaster for my ears and nerves, the traditional food of Bonfire Night is highly historically accurate and delicious.
Parkin Cake: A sticky ginger cake from Yorkshire that humans eat to stay warm.
Jacket Potatoes: Baked directly in the embers of the bonfire.
Toffee Apples: Apples covered in hard sugar.
During the Victorian era, Bonfire Night turned into a huge community autumn feast.
A Final Word from Under the Bed:
If your humans are celebrating Bonfire Night, keep safe inside with the curtains drawn, the TV turned up loud, and some sausage or treats to distract you from the sky monsters.
Happy Bonfire Night!
Stay safe Pals!