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Tell me a little bit about yourself.
. I am the prettiest girl in the world and mum says I am her precious baby angel. I am 5 years old, with velvety black ears and a missing toe from an accident when I was a baby. I never raced, because racing is for idiots. I learned early on to fake a limp whenever there’s something I don’t want to do, such as running races, jogging with mum or walking in the rain.

How many siblings do you have and long have you had them?
I have one idiot fur-brother Fred who I treat with a certain contempt. He is always getting in to trouble, while I am the perfect prefect type. I enjoy pooping in the hole he digs in the front garden. I also have 4 human sisters, who are tolerable, so long as they don’t get too close to mum.

Do you work? If so where/what do you do?
I do actually work, in bed inspections. With 5 human and several dog beds throughout the house, it’s my job to pee on anything I feel needs the sheets changed, or anything Fred might want to lie on. Mum says I singlehandedly prop up the mattress protector industry! *puffs out chest with pride.

If you could choose your name what would it be?
? I would prefer to be called Your Serene Highness.

What is your favourite food?
I’m a total sucker for ice cream or anything snatched from the hand of the miniest hoo sister.

Where is your favourite place to be?
Next to or on top of mum, in her bed with the lions share of the blankets and pillow. And mattress.

What is your favourite way to entertain yourself (annoy your humans)?
Going bork bork bork at other dogs and occasionally trying to dedd them. Apparently I am not supposed to do this

What is your greatest accomplishment?
Instantly becoming mum’s favourite daughter when she had 4 others to choose from.

What is your next goal in life?
Getting rid of all other dogs and my human sisters so it’s just me and mum.

If you could be/do anything for a day, what would it be?
I would probably go for a very long walk on the beach with no other dogs to scare me so I could run off lead and not wear a muzzle and splash in the water.

Finally and most importantly...What was your human’s most embarrassing moment?
When I did a massive messy poop on the ferry wharf just as the school ferry was coming in and a hundred school kids were about to walk there.

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