Tigger's tails
- June 2026

Hi Pals, I am a dog. A very important dog. Possibly the most important dog currently lying on this rug. And today, I have decided to write an article for you humans, because frankly, you need guidance.

First of all: snacks. You are not eating enough of them, and more importantly, you are not sharing enough of them. I have observed this repeatedly. You open a packet, you eat what appears to be all of it, and then you say something outrageous like, “This isn’t for dogs.” I don’t wish to alarm you, but everything is for dogs. This is a basic law of the universe, like gravity or squirrels.

Speaking of squirrels, we need to talk about your reaction speed. It is, to put it kindly, embarrassing. When a squirrel appears, you should immediately run at top speed in a zigzag pattern while making powerful, heroic noises. Instead, you just stand there. Sometimes you even say, “Oh look, a squirrel.” LOOK? We do not look at squirrels. We pursue them. Please improve.

Now, let’s address walks. Walks are good. Walks are life. However, your understanding of walks is flawed. You seem to think the goal is to go somewhere and come back. Incorrect. The goal is to sniff absolutely everything in existence: trees, posts, other dogs’ mysterious messages, that one fascinating patch of grass. When you say “Come on” after only six minutes of sniffing, it is frankly disrespectful to the entire outdoors.

Also, the vacuum cleaner. I do not trust it. You should not trust it either. It roars, it eats things, and yet you welcome it into our home. I bark at it for your protection. You’re welcome.

In conclusion, you are doing okay… but with improvements, you could be excellent. Share more snacks, chase more squirrels, respect the sniff, and remain vigilant against the vacuum. If you follow this advice, you may one day achieve the greatness of dog.

You’re lucky to have me.
Nose bump to you
Tigger